Olukemi’s Gift: How to Un-Nigerian Yourself Without A Name Change
(A Kemi Kakistocracy of Identity)
Image Credit: Tori.NG
Kemi Badenoch’s recent declaration that she no longer identifies as Nigerian sparked a wave of reactions across the diaspora.
For me, it was a case study in identity, heritage, and the curious ways politics tries to rewrite personal history.... and the humour writes itself.
Once upon a time, in the curious kingdom of Westminster, there lived a woman called Olukemi - Gift of God.
Not just any gift, mind you. This was the kind of gift that comes wrapped in Yoruba vowels, sealed with ancestral stamps, and delivered with a history, longer than the River Niger.
But one sunny political morning, Olukemi - now Kemi Badenoch - told the world she had resigned from being Nigerian.
Yes, resigned. No resignation letter to the Nigerian High Commission. No press conference in Lagos. Just an elegant announcement on a British medium: “I no longer identify as Nigerian.”
She has not renewed her Nigerian passport for (plus or minus) 20 years. So, to be fair, in Nigerian immigration terms, that’s practically, a little over, two entire administrations, three airport renovations, and a handful of “Japa” waves.)
And yet… she remains KEMI.
A name so unapologetically Nigerian, it carries its own praise poetry: - like an Adekemi (my crown’s gift), or an Oluwakemisola (the Lord pampers me with wealth), and, if we’re being linguistically playful, we might say... Kemi-Can’t-Delete-Her-Roots.
Colonial Passport Exchange
It’s the political equivalent of strolling casually into Heathrow’s imaginary Identity Duty-Free Shop: “Turn in your Nigerian passport here, collect your British self over there, mind the gap between ancestry and reality.”
Some even picture her browsing the Identity Duty-Free shop... trading jollof rice for fish and chips, and Yoruba proverbs for Westminster politeness and Parliamentary procedure, but still unable to hide the accent when annoyed.
The Name That Refused to Leave
Her new British identity is immaculate, crisp accent, a Cabinet seat, and a political posture so upright it could balance the Crown Jewels.
But every roll call, every headline, every campaign poster whispers: “Kemi… Kemi… Kemi…”
It’s the kind of name that instantly makes every Nigerian auntie reach for jollof rice and ask, “Who are your people?”
The "Name Amnesty" Proposal
Since she’s ‘renounced’ Nigeria, here's a proposal:This "DNA vs. Passport" Paradox
Identity as a "Performance Art"
Kemi says she had a rough time at boarding school in Sagamu, likening it to prison.
The "Sagamu Prison Break"
Kemi’s Great Escape: starring mosquito wardens, water-fetching sentences, and the daily roll call of boiled yam.
It could almost be a Nollywood prison drama: Kemi’s Great Escape. Complete with mosquito wardens, bucket-fetching punishments, and boiled yam served as both breakfast and emotional resilience training.
Nigerians would laugh knowingly, because for many students, that is "boarding school" life. The kind of life many students even look forward to....
Moving On... (very simple to do)
Kemi claims she's "moved on".. yet Nigeria remains in her speeches like a supporting actor she didn’t want to cast but can’t quite replace.
Her critiques keep Nigeria in the room.... even if she swears she’s moved to another house.
The "Diaspora’s Split-Screen" Reaction
In the grand amphitheatre of social media, the Nigerian diaspora had a field day:
Some applauded: “She’s just being real... claim the passport you use.”
Others sipped palm wine and muttered: “It’s not by passport. You can’t just ‘log out’ of DNA.”
The "Ghost of the WhatsApp" Auntie
Kemi is seen in the inescapable diaspora family group chat even after her public renunciation...
Somewhere, Auntie Bisi in Abeokuta is still sending her “Good Morning” GIFs, church flyers, and wedding invites.
“Aunty, please stop forwarding me ‘Nigerian Women Are the Best Wives’ videos ---- I’m British now.”
Political Spin Master’s Playbook
Closing Scene
So here she is... Minister Kemi Badenoch. Nigerian by heritage, British by declaration, and globally trending by provocation.
She may have left Nigeria on paper, but Nigeria, like a persistent auntie, still keeps calling her name at the family meeting.
And somewhere.... somewhere in the Yoruba dictionary, under Olukemi, the definition remains: A gift... whether claimed, returned, or rebranded for the British market.
You Can’t Rename Melanin
Kemi can wear pearls instead of her ancestral coral beads, trade our nutritious Nigerian zobo for British tea, and embrace Big Ben souvenirs in place of her Zuma Rock fridge magnets, but beneath that winter coat, the sun of West Africa still sits quietly in her skin.
Dr. Yinka Dixon
(c) New Beginnings Impact Journal ~ Real stories. Fresh starts.
New Beginnings Publishing and Career Soultions Ltd.
linktr.ee/yinkadixon
This lady will never be British unless she wins the Olympics at what event I will not speculate. She is Nigerian. She should seek out the Brits who are sniggering about her. Laughing out loud is rude but a sly snigger is more insidious. Gos save the king. She should watch Nigerian movies on tv to notice the culture!!!
ReplyDeleteTerribly interesting and amazingly accurate 👌
ReplyDeleteMake dem leave our sister alone ooo
ReplyDeleteSis Kemi is doing hers...
As we say “do you”....
Na im she dey do
Who e pain - go to court
😂😂😂😂
99% of what she has said or done- 99% of us have said and done
Not to sound too religious to your ear, no one actually chooses where one is born, but Gid and nature have reason, Find the reason and fufill destiny. But like my dear political thinktank without being born a Nigerian you wouldnt have existed. So stop the hate, you're better than any Nigerian poor ir rich, just dey your lane
ReplyDeleteI don't really understand what she is trying to prove, her father, Late Dr Femi Adegoke was a proud Nigerian and a very proud Yoruba man that loves his tribe and country, he did so much in the issue of Yoruba land having its own constitution, and the issue of insecurity as well. I want to believe Kemi is going through a depression or what can I call this? She lived an ajebo life while growing up so where did she get all this evil stories from??
ReplyDeleteThis piece had me chuckling, but it also sparked some deep thoughts. It’s so true—our identity goes way beyond just a passport or where we live. Even if we try to distance ourselves from Nigeria, our names, our history, and even our DNA tell a story that can’t be ignored. Instead of feeling offended, maybe we should take a step back and ask ourselves: why do so many people feel the need to ‘un-Nigerian’ themselves in the first place?
ReplyDeleteThis young lady is just suffering from low self esteem really.
ReplyDeleteOne of the best satirical pieces I have seen written by any account in ages, if you like in diaspora. It is as biting as humorous, as sagacious as entertaining, as witty as spiteful, yet it wore such a pleasant garb. I am indeed very mindful of write-ups and, am perhaps rather difficult to please. But what is good is good. This is brilliant!
ReplyDelete